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Forbidden Vender
BEGIN PROFILE: This anomalous machine, codenamed FORBIDDEN VENDER, was found in a Detroit alley. It bears no markings indicating origin, or beverages vended. Machine accepts coins equaling twenty five cents, or numismatic materials roughly similar in size. Buttons dispense consistent beverages of the same type in seemingly limitless proportions, rotating on a weekly basis. Machine has been under observation during occasions of rotation. No known supplier has been seen during these period, or indeed any action towards the machine. Attempts to examine the machine’s construction lead to REDACTED, thusly such examinations have been suspended for the time being. We have compiled a list of sample sodas found in the machine, addendums given where necessary, possible elaboration on others to follow: * Original Recipe Coca-Cola [Contained traces of cocaine in proportions determined to be identical to the original formula0 * Un-Diet TAB Cola '' * ''Pepsi Ultraviolet/Infrared * Four Loko: Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster-Type * 'V9, V10 and V11 Vegetable Drinks' * Riddle Drink '' * ''Black Blood Of The Earth * Black Hole Bomber Brew * Red Queen/White Queen//Black Queen * Mulligan Stew with a mixture of discontinued or flawed name-brand soda syrups. Production company information appears to . * 'Kronen-Kola Mutagen and BioCyberHaptic “Flavors”. Subjects reported pleasing flavor, various levels of pleasing and displeasing monsterism' * Golden Apple; Black Lotus; Gingo; Immortality Peach; Fern Flower; Rasknovic; and Flavored Fruit Soda akin to component materials. No brand listed on label, corporation producing only identified as “Waxmare LTD” * Bananadrine Dream flavored with hallucinogenic properties, address of factory leads only to hippie commune burned down in 1971 * Yggdrasil Root Beer in nine flavors, more research pending * MyKolaUltra LSD alongside unknown hallucinogenic contaminants. Contaminants similar in properties to [REDACTED] * Miss Neutronic Bomb radioactive, no recorded cases of cancer resulting thereof. Similar effects to Kronen Kola across longer timeframe alledged but currently univestigated * GatorPower-Ade able to be labeled as such due to unique properties. Under investigation for reverse-engineering by Doctor [REDACTED for the purposes of REDACTED] * DRINKING MEET a substance similar to the infamous Pink Slime, but carbonated and at a more liquid viscocity. Made of 50% assorted human tissues, 16% assorted keratins, 25% California condor vitreous jelly, and 12% unable-to-analyze. Has memetic effects causing compulsion towards carnophagy and possible parasitoidism by [REDACTED Very likely linked to the organization known as REDACTED. Recently found in non-anomalous mechanisms. God help us all.] * Aqua Vitae only a paper with cryptic; handwritten instructions, remarked upon by historians to be unmistakably similar to those produced by the Comte De St Germain Author Commentary This started as essentially a much earlier post based on a completely different dark vending machine post, reworked as a G.U.F.F. thing and also expanded upon with its own photomanipulation. And it was based on the joke "Dark Vending Machine, Show Me The Forbidden Sodas," a meme template I have always adored. Take that as you will. As per usual with G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator! And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, which I previewed this design on ages ago, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate! Category:G.U.F.F. Entries